If you have to TRY to be authentic- is it EVEN authentic?
I started this blog post to rip on people for needing help being authentic- I mean- isn't FAKING it the hard part?!?! Why does it have to be said, taught, coached and preached to BE YOUSELF?
But then it hit me- social media has created a culture of "fast forwarding to the good parts." Howard Stern fans know who to attribute this quote to... that's right, Mr. Skin. Don't judge me for knowing that off the top of my head.
Everyone posts that hot picture with the bomb lighting- no one post the 25 pics it took to get that shot.
That influencer looks sooo amazing, how is her waist SO snatched and skin so flawless...? ohhh because of filters and photoshopped contours and lighting tricks...
We all envy that family vacation of a lifetime where everyone is smiling and laughing as the sun sets and the wine flows... what we don't see is:
the moment when son threw a tantrum because mom posted a picture that showed his forehead zit
mom was pissed because dad didn't book tickets to the show she wanted to see
dad was pissed because he didn't want to see that stupid show anyway and he thought she understood that he wasn't getting tickets when he said "I really don't want to see that stupid show."
(Not true events, this vacation day sucked for ENTIRELY different reasons...)
Being inauthentic has become a cultural norm and even an expectation.
But- wait- IS it a new societal issue? Hmmm.... Let's check our childhoods, shall we?
GOOD GIRLS DON'T
Show up as assertive or outspoken
Pursue careers in male-dominated fields
Express anger or strong emotions in public
Wear revealing or unconventional clothing
Prioritize a career or (HEAVEN FORBID) self over family
Speak up against authority or challenge norms
Wow... no wonder some Boomers and some of my fellow Gen X'ers need deprogramming and training on how to be who we really ARE. No wonder some Millennials don't know the difference between assertive and standing in their truth vs. being rude and avoiding intelligent debate.
No wonder many Gen Z's ignore or pity us because they will unapologetically do whatever da f--k they want- aka whatever tiktok tells them to do, to hell with consequences!
Yeah folks, being authentic hasn't been in since the 1960s, and even THEN many "expressed themselves" by going along with the counter-culture crowd simply for the sake of being rebellious and to fit in with the misfits... are we all seeing the irony?
I take back my initial impulse to laugh at anyone who has to TRY to be authentic.
And- I will share three tips that gave me back my sanity when I journeyed to embrace myself- warts and all:
JUST SAY NO IF YOU DON'T WANNA GO. We can politely bow out without having to make up an excuse. No, really- it's OKAY. Just because they WANT access to you doesn't mean they DESERVE it. How they feel about your "NO THANKS" is not your problem.
LET GO OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT HURT YOU. No one but John Coffey from The Green Mile was made to only take in all the pain from others and receive nothing positive in return. What a relief it is when you let go of people who don't fill your cup yet expect you to fill theirs. And PS- it's not always an obvious, toxic, abusive situation. Who ever involuntarily popped into your head as you read this needs to be the first to go.
CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON THE WORD REJECTION. Wanna know the biggest compliment I ever received? It was "Youuuu jaaahst don't belonnng in our group, sorrehhh..."- which was LITERALLY said to my face by a outwardly popular, seemingly fabulous, clique of women who behind the scenes were miserable, cruel, narcissistic asses. Was I hurt at first? YES. NO one wants to be told "you can't sit at our lunch table."
But ooohhhh how RELIEVED I was to find out that They. Were. RIGHT.
Being ME means not being for everyone, and that's how it's supposed to be.
THE IMPORTANT PART SOME PEOPLE MISS:
Being authentic doesn't mean shitting on others because you don't agree with them or loudly shoving your views in others' faces. Just because you have to fart doesn't mean you should in a crowded elevator. That's not being authentic- that's just being nnnnaaaasty.
But that's another blog for another day...
Do YOU- without preventing others from doing the same-
and you too, can genuinely BE authentic.
Need to practice being authentic? Reach out, let's chat!
a few credits:
video: KELLEN ROWE
Video Jeans: Venus Clothing
*Back arch dress: Veronica M Clothing from Misguided Angels
**Necklace: Microcosmoses
Comentarios